2008: A Tribute

This year seems to have been more than usual a year where a lot of influential people who have entertained us, made us laugh or inspired us have passed away.

So before the year passes and memories fade, I want to say goodbye properly to the following people:

Heath Ledger

Jeremy Beadle

Mark Speight

Bo Diddley

Yves Saint Laurent

Paul Newman

Bernie Mac

Eartha Kitt

And also to those who I havent mentioned, and for those that may not have been in the spotlight but had an impact on our lives

Bratz, tweenagers, Jordan and g-strings. Not a good look!

I've been compelled to write this blog after speaking to my big brother David and from a debate that arose because of it.

After a bitter battle in the courts between the makers of Bratz and Mattel (who own and make Barbie their rival) it was ruled that the designer of Brats worked for Mattel at the time, so the ownership is with Mattel. Because of this, they have been taken off the shelves.

As Dave said, Bratz outsold Barbie for a number of years, so it was sour grapes.

To me, it is a good thing that they have been taken off the shelves and there is debate surrounding this as I personally think that these dolls aren't something I'd buy for my friends children, nor do I think they're necessarily a positive thing.

I understand they promote a positive message in terms of young girls/women being independent and forward thinking. No problem with this. My problem is with the way that because of the dress code of the characters and those of similar characters and public figures it is acceptable to put young girls as young as three in mini skirts and knee high boots with heels (not the ugg style boot, I mean the ones with heels)

I also do NOT agree with things like g-strings for children, provocative slogans on t-shirts on the bottom are aof trousers and skirts and things of this nature.

Our young women have enough forces out there that force them to grow up quicker, become sexual objects and such like all to early without making it worse by dressing a 3/4/5 year old child in a mini skirt, a t-shirt with 'sexy' on and her strutting around like a Pussycat Doll in knee high heeled boots. Am I missing something? Shouldn't children be children? Shouldn't they been seen as children and not sexy? Don't we have enough problems with paedophiles trying to groom our children without advertising them?

My other peeve today is the role model debate. I believe that as parents we need to be the most influential people in our childrens' lives and be their main role model. Of course people in the public eye are automatically seen as role models also, but if we provide our kids with a proper attitude, the likes of Kate Moss snorting cocaine and subsequently envigorating her lagging career off the back of it would then not be put on pedestals.

People are quick to blame teenage parents, but as I've seen myself and through people around me, it's not necessarily a teenage parent; more wotless parents that do not care about their children or have parenting skills in order to bring their children up to be decent people. As a person who was pregnant at 19 and had my son at 20 so are sometimes labelled a teenage parent I take great offence to the generalisations that are branded about. I do not pretend to be the best mother in the Worl, but damnit I am trying.

Just from having family working in the care system and friends who have gone through the system or know of people that have, it is down to unwanted pregnancies and social factors such as poverty, drugs, alcohol that are the causes for children growing up without love and affection.

Yes, we should be instilling confidence in our young women so that they grow up with less hang ups about their bodies and love themselves, but there is a thin line between being a confident girl and an object of deisre for the opposite sex.

No one in the White House has swagga like us

Originally posted on my Facebook notes 5th November

I'm standing here waiting for the bus to work today as I don't want to be squashed up next to miserable people. I don't want the coughing and spluttering. Not because I'm tired and may just fall asleep on a warm tube carriage and miss my stop. Nor do I want the people pushing up on me. 

Do you know why? Not 'cos my swagga is large. Although that statement is monumentally factual, it's because I'm proud. I watched history in the making and I'm proud. A black man made it into the "white" house and the first time in, well most of my life the weight of being different and having to work a little bit harder has eased a little. 

Now don't get me wrong, I will continue to work to achieve what I want to and to encourage my son to do the same, but I'm going to do it now with a heart that's full and a spring in my step. 

This isn't a day just for black people though, it's a day for anyone who wants to believe in a better life for everyone and will have a new sense of purpose. Just don't use this as an excuse to expect things to come to you as they never will. 

I just wish people like Dr King could see this. Even Tupac as he didn't see it ever happening. But I'm glad my 93 year old Gran has. And my mum who was chased down the streets of London in the sixties. 

As I sit here on the 381 to Waterloo, I'm smiling. I hope you all are too! 

See u in Jan when we watch Obama move in with his Kool-Aid, Aunt Jemima panckake mix and Palmers Cocoa Butter. x

Black clouds circling my head

Right now I'm feeling kinda strange and I'm not even sure where it's come from. I've been doing really well the past few months despite being put through the wringer back in June and having to deal with what can only be describes as something horrific.

I don't know if I've basically just come out of Auto-pilot and now dealing with it, the shitty weather that's now upon us which always depresses me, the pressure piling on in regards to my final year at University, moving into a new home or all of the above. 

All I know is it is becoming increasingly difficult to listen to everyone else tell me to hold my head up, it'll be okay or to even listen to people with their problems which sounds really selfish. But as the days go on, Im finding it so hard to even care. 

I've even found myself in a situation I have avoided for what I think is a year or so of me trying to stay out of for fear or complications out of my control. But no, because I've let my guard slip I'm now right where I didn't want to be and the damn vicious circle isn't letting me off.

None of this makes sense to you, maybe because I can't make sense of it myself. All I know that if this continues, I don't know if I'll be here anymore. 

Hanging around in dark tunnels CAN acutally be good

I managed to get to see the CANS festival this morning, and decided to ignore all the hype and negative press that has surrounded it and went with an open mind, eyes and my cam and I have to say that I loved it.

Yes, you could argue that it has all been done before and it wasn't original, or even childish as I've read but to me it was an escape. walk from the hustle and bustle from the commuters and tourists on York Road to near silence and you are greeted with some of the most beautiful colours and textures I have seen together in one place.

It took me over an hour to walk from the York Road end out to the Marsh, as there is so much to see and so much detail. It was nice as strangers stood and talked for ages about their experience and it was nice to share that with them.

I urge you to go and have a look if you can before Eurostar paint over it or something equally as stupid.

I took some photographs on my little digi camera and you can view them here.

Laaaaaid back ......

Sticking the iPod in my ears and playing my "Summertime" playlist, I set off.

First tune to play - Ice Cube - It Was A Good Day.  

And do ya know what? It really was! 

Went and saw my friend and spent the day with her, then made it up to South Bank to kick back for a while and watched the skateboarders and the BMX guys working up a sweat with  some pretty cool tricks and SBs on their feet although I didn't manage to catch them on film. Pissed.

I'm going to enjoy this week of Summer as at this point we're never certain in the UK when this will happen again, I mean our Summer was in April last year. All two weeks of it.

So while you can, enjoy the sun and make the most of the weather my beautiful people.

Get the track here (ignore the nekkidness) x

Sun bun up my eye oh why oh why would I wanna be anywhere else?

I've been proper lax with my posting for months now, and I apologise, uni was a little mad.

Have always had time to find myself on Facebook, catching up with friends I haven't seen in time and reading other blogs though, so clearly not as busy as I thought! :s

Pleased to say that I have been writing loads recently and with the two trips I've managed to do already in the past five months, have also taken lots of photos which I will have to start documenting and writing about on here, providing the weather we are having at the moment doesn't go to my head and I find myself sitting in the park and writing or taking photos randomly like I did yesterday.

Gonna go and check out the exhibition in Waterloo that Banksy has done and will hopefully be good.

Anyway, mi garn listening to Natty and I'm proper skinnin teet. stay blessed x

I blatantly sat here approx a yr ago on the "I'm a PC user" bandwagon when some friends of mine (D, Martin and Gary) were trying to convince me to move over to the darkside which is known as Mac land.

I convinced myself at the time that as I was a hard core PC user, I wouldn't have any need for a mac and that because I hadn't touched one since my teens that I would never get to grips with the whole "mac" thing cos I was far too cool for any of that.

Fast forward a yr and what am I typing on? Ha. That's right, my spanky new macbook, called Bernie. Geddit? Bernie Mac? 

After using a friends' mac and using the ones at uni I then went into the store in Regent Street and going through a few things, I walked out with my shiny new purchase.

Must say I'm NOT going back to PCs unless they are at work as I've had no crashes, freezing of screens, not being able to find files, the long ting that is adding software/applications or worrying about Bernie catching a disease. He is easy to use and makes life a whole lot easier.

Yes, I'm in love with Bernie.

If there's any way I can legally marry him, please let me know :)

Update: Blackberry Woes & Joy

So after going back and forth for what seems like forever, I am now in the process of selling the Blackberry.

... Don't despair JUST yet, as I've got a new one (and it works!) on another network provider, which as soon as I turned it on when it arrived last week, automatically configured to the network and after entering my email addressess, I started to receive messages and the net worked instantaneously.

Yes, I'm a fully fleged Blackberry addict. Already have downloaded applications, themes and am residing on Blackberry Messenger. I have bookmarked Blackberry sites as well as signed up for the Users' Lounge.

I even had a phone call from O2 to make sure that everything was okay and they were most helpful.

I have nothing against Vodafone as they are not who I send my monthly Direct Debit to, in fact they have been more than helpful with all teh problems I've experienced. It's Dot Mobile. As soon as the contract is up for renewal, I will be porting over my number to them properly to continue with the line and great customer service.

But back to my latest purchase, if you don't already have one (send me ur pin if you do!) you should really go and buy one, it's the must have item for your pocket.

I thought it was supposed to enhance my life?! ARGH!!

I rush home after really forcing myself not to open the box. I gently place the bag on the table so not to shake its contents too much. I empty the bag of its insides and gingerly break the seal on the smooth plastic box. The smell that pours out fills my nostrils and I shudder with glee. I pull out the card boxes within the box and open the red one first. To my delight in a plastic sheath is what I've been waiting on for the longest time, in all its glory … my Blackberry Curve 8310.

I sat for around 20 minutes setting it up and working out a few things although I'm usually good with figuring out how to work phones and other devices this one had me stumped. So I decided to do what I knew and left the rest til the morning when I'd had some sleep. I'd spent hours on the net so I was just plain tired.

The nxt day after three phone calls, two emails and a trip to the Vodafone shop the email and web setting still didn't work so I called my friend Smashy to give me a hand (thank ya baby) who did all that he could do and gave me a great overview of little tips with the phone. I think he should get commission.

Day three and the phone STILL isn't on full GPRS and EDGE settings so I'm sitting with an Internet phone that has limited access. Like having ice cream without a spoon, a boat with no paddle or a parachute without a rope. Basically f*ckin annoyed! ARGH!!

I now have to await a reply which won't be until Monday as the department I am speaking to are closed during weekends. ARGH! All I want to do is use the damn phone.

Well at least it look pretty … ^o)

Out with the old …. In with the new …. Saying goodbye to 2007 and welcoming in 08

I must say that I'm not a person that's usually into making changes once a year, more as and when things happen so by the time the New Year approaches, I'm already making changes or have implemented them. But this past 12 months have been dismal to say the least. But despite everything that has gone on, I have to say that I'll look back on the year 2007 as one that has shaped my thoughts and how I will approach life generally. All of this is looked on with optimism as well.

I said goodbye to two great people in my life, and have had many decisions taken out of my hands as well as parting company with people. But all of these things have I feel made me have to stand up and think about what I want to do with my life and how I would want to be remembered when I do leave this place and move onto wherever the powers that be move me onto.

It sounds harsh, but having parted company with the people that I have now since lost contact with actually been beneficial to me. The negative auras they seemed to have around them and those voices they put in my head have long since gone and I've noticed my productivity has increased somewhat.

I've set myself some personal goals and I'm pleased to say that after 4 days into the year, 1 which I didn't think would happen for at least a few months has actually been achieved. And this has been such a boost to my spirit.

One goal which was to continue to look after my health by goin to the gym has been scuppered on account of my ankle's ligaments being ruptured. The only way around it for the next few weeks is to work on my arms and abs until my ankle is strong enough to at least start walking on the treadmill and using the bike. Let's see if they allow me to go to the gym. If not I'll have to do my sit-ups at home and possibly making weights up with things around the house. Yes, I'm an addict I guess but I feel much better inside and out when I'm keeping fit.

Anywhoo I digress. I'm pleased that I've got so many people I can call on for a laugh and to encourage and inspire me daily or those that inspire me to write. My daily texts are appreciated and I in return appreciate them for who they are and what they are about. I was thinking about this the other day and I couldn't put this into words and to a certain extent, I still can't. That in itself shows me that these are the very people that I need around me and I must always strive to be the best I can in order to be there for them when they need me.

As for my goals, I'm not going to go into much detail with them but they do include making more time for me, just to sit and write, read or just go and get pampered with a massage or something like that regularly. Another is to make sure that those around me know that I love them and appreciate them at every chance I can say it. Another is to run for Breakthrough Breast Cancer in Sept, but those details are sketchy until I find out when their event is. This kinda ties in with the fitness goal. There are some personal ones that I have also and funnily enough are being achieved a lot quicker than I realised, but this is boosting me to make more.

Anyway, I'll end this by saying that if you are reading this, I can only hope that you are optimistic about the future and that everything you have in your head or written down as a goal you accomplish and more as our thinking is limited to what we know and that there is so much more out there than we can conceive with our thoughts.

My last wish for you is love, happiness and health for you and for all of those you hold dear for the next year and beyond. Think big and do big, baby!

Much love

Angel x

The correlation between being the best you can be and Hill Harper

So, I’m reading Hill Harper’s book: “Letters to a Young Brother.” Initially I bought it as I am a fan of Mr Harper and to be honest fancy the pants off the man and embarrassingly didn’t think the book would be as deep as I’ve now come to realise.

A lot of “Hollywood” types write books and I cannot remember many having any substance. I should really apologise for that assumption, because it not only was unfounded, but making assumptions of people is something we shouldn’t do as being on the receiving end of this isn’t usually a nice experience. So I’m sorry Mr Harper, although if you are ever in the UK, I’d love to say that in person.

But back to the book, the following letter written by Curtis Martin had me think for a good while.

Dear Young Brotha,
Be balanced: secure enough to be vulnerable, strong enough to be gentle, wise enough to be humble, and powerful enough to serve others. Only fear God. Have a quiet confidence, faith and belief that you can conquer whatever life may bring. Put God first, family second and yourself third. Respect others, but remain true to yourself. And at the end of the day, know how to have fun and enjoy life!
Sincerely,
Curtis Martin.

Everything Curtis wrote in this letter made a great deal of sense and there is an awful lot in the book that has solidified my thoughts on many things. Raising lil’ man has put an awful lot of fear on my shoulders; wondering if I’m doing the right thing, questioning everything I do – is it the right thing to do etc. Just reading Hill’s thoughts on subjects such as single parenthood, having respect for yourself and of those around you, education etc and how those around him in influential places also cares about today’s generation is inspiring and also enables me to realise my potential, both as a mother and a person.

Although this book is directed at the young Black man growing up with or without parental guidance and have insecurities/fears, I urge anyone that wants to explore aspects of self improvement to read this book. I don’t read self help books, and maybe I should, but I can tell you it’s worth reading. I am willing to lend you the book if you wish although I did get my copy for under £5 on Amazon.

But back to this particular excerpt, as cheesy as it sounds it’s something I have in a way taken on as a mantra (I’m not a fan of the word, but it describes my using it in my life to remind me of where I want my life to go and who I want to be.) This may not be yours, but it could be a point at which you could start thinking about where you want to be and how you’d want to be remembered by those around you. This is the age where we should have gotten over the awkward age of our teens and at that stage of finding ourselves and who we are, and what we want. But this isn’t always the case, and it’s a fact of life. Just be prepared to do something about it before you wake up one day and not know how to you go to where you are – where you aren’t happy in your life and even worse in your own skin. I’m still in that “under construction” thing myself and it’s great to know that I’m better than I was a few months ago, and have improved miles than the stage I was at even two years ago. I still make mistakes and have made poor judgments as well as even recently having issues with someone I thought I could make mistakes with and grow with, but I’m human am willing to accept my faults and improve on them.

Anyway I have to run, I’ve got to finish dinner. I’ll be happy to talk about the book or about anything in regards to any of the matters raised in this blog. It’s nice to hear other points of view so I don’t become close minded about things.

What’s your role?

I was having one of my “I’m not staying on the phone long, Mess” and still finding we are on the phone for an hour conversations last night and Messiah brought up the subject of reasons why people are in your life, and we spoke about the roles your friends have in your life and since coming off the phone to him I came up with a small list some included;

The Advice Giver, The Sponge (taking and taking) The Builder (building up their friends – sometimes to their own detriment) The Belittler – that one was light hearted, but I can safely say I know a few of those I’ve had to cut out my life, The Drama Queen/Only Childer (not always an only child, but they display symptoms of being spoilt and throwing the toys out the pram when things don’t go their way) The Glass Half Empty and The Ray of Sunshine. The last one being my favourite as I can look at quite a few of you and think of you as being this role. Miss Hamilton at the top of that list J

Although I don’t like to put people in boxes as it drives me mad when people do this to me, you do have to wonder and question some friendships you do have. I’ve had to do this most of my life, so it’s no surprise that I’ve recently had to just let go of people. I’m not heartless or anything like that, but with all that’s going on I cannot dedicate every waking moment to people as I’ve not even much time to do me right now. But sometimes just don’t seem to understand this.

All I know, is good or bad I learn from each one, and chalk things down to experience hopefully making me understand why people do what they do when they do it.

Anyway, the list is far from complete and I’d welcome any suggestions/ changes. I’ve put the list below for ease of reading.

What’s your role in life?

• The Advice Giver
• The Sponge
  
• The BuilderThe Drama Queen/Only Childer
• The Glass Half Empty
• The Ray of Sunshine

Converse, Kriss Kross and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Okay, the blog thing has taken me by the throat and won’t let me go. I’m officially a blogger. *shudders*

Nothing I can do now, so let’s get on with what I came on to write. A few things have jogged my thinking a conversation about the smile you did as a kid when told to for photos and the clothes worn in school/family photos.

I was lucky to go to a school where we wore our own clothes, when I say lucky, I guess I mean lucky for the clothing manufacturers that used us as human guinea pigs to carry out controlled experiments with questionable colourways and fabrics. Thankfully Mum wasn’t a sentimental parent and there isn’t a great deal of photos lying about. But thinking about my favourite clothes as a child, especially the ones I really loved its funny. I mean there were certain items I had that got washed a few times a week so I could wear them as often as possible. I remember a t shirt for example that I made – I cut it into a belly top (who remembers those) and I painted on the front red and blue and wore them with some shorts I liked and knee high socks (yikes!)

Then there’s a denim shirt with embroidery on the front with pearl poppers instead of buttons. Oh, and let’s not forget a tartan skirt I wore relentlessly. My list is endless.

As bad as the fashion was, I loved picking out my clothes every morning and knowing that it was my personal stamp on the World. To an extent, we all have that as adults, but it’s stifled with the thought of not fitting in with the right circles etc. and it sucks. Go out this weekend with something you don’t wear as much as you don’t feel comfortable and hold your head as high as you did when you were eight years old and walking to school to tell your friends that you picked out that outfit that morning all by yourself.

To address the photo smiling we did as kids, I love the real huge smiles kids do; especially the real ones. They remind me of the lack or responsibility we all had as well as how huge my teeth were and how it’s only now at twenty *mumbles* that I have finally grown into the huge tombstones that are in my mouth. I say at least one photo you have on Facebook should be of you now at the age you are with that smile. Just for a bit of fun.

I’ll be setting up a little group soon along the lines of the innocence of youth, which will be purely pictures of the members as kids, I invite each and every one of you and the only requirement I have is that you post a pic of you as a kid; particularly a staged school/family portrait photo.

Much love x

If music be the food of love...

... I want to be in love forever!

It’s amazing how music can have such an impact on a person’s life. I mean, I’ve always loved music of all types from as long as I can remember and my CD collection reflects this.

I remember being looked on as being really weird at secondary school and college as Green Day, Skunk Anansie, Prodigy, Republica, No Doubt were amongst my Usher, Donnell Jones, Montell Jordan, Jodeci etc. I have never conformed I guess to the stereotype of a young black female from South London and for all the grief I got I’m quite proud.

The reason I started writing this blog was really because the past few weeks have not been the happiest for me for many reasons, and while at work yesterday listening to music as I stared at my computer screen for 6 hours Kanye West’s “We Major” came on and for those three minutes I felt so relaxed for the first time in ages. So I played it on repeat for most of the day.

It is a tad obsessive when I realise how long it was on, but that’s the nature of music. From hunting down export CDs for certain mixes in my teens or buying around £100 a week in albums, to present day where I’m torrenting like my life depends on it finding Talib’s album as I’ve been waiting ages for it, my life is centered around music. While you guys are out there having lives.

Classical music or Leela James to relax me, to jungle/drum and bass for hyping me up before a night out with my friends, music shapes my life. And for all it’s faults and it’s 50 Cents of this world, I wouldn’t change it one bit!