..... And so the end is near, and I face my final curtain .......

So, the last few weeks in my degree and I really am looking forward to the finish although I really do not think I am passing, and if I do - the classification isn't going to be a decent one.

Have had the most stress to deal with at home which has basically impacted on any work I have done. I am one for staying positive, but I am also one for keeping it real as it were. That being said, I now want to grab whatever they give me and run the hell out of that flipping building.

What's in store for me when I do leave? Well, job hunting as we speak for a Mon to Fri as I cannot do weekends anymore where I am, I have neglected lil man for ages, and am spending most of my weekend dropping him off so I can work and then not seeing much of him during the week as I'm either at uni or work, picking him and only having two hours before bed.

It's difficult to really explain, but by me trying to improve our life, it has in a way made our life worse, and I only want this to be a temporary measure rather than a permanent one.

The personal life has been somewhat of a joke of late also. I'm guessing my choice of people is the main reason. Those charismatic men always seem to come with some sort of baggage, or aren't good with the commitment thing; bullshit like "I'm not ready" when they need to come correct with "I wanna f*ck every girl I can without getting caught, do you want in? Oh, but don't tell anyone." I'm guessing these aren't the right people I need to be around. Karma is a bitch though, I just hope I get to see when she does knock on their door.

Many changes and transitions in 2009, with many more to come, but as always I will get what I need to achieved, even if it means a change in direction. My writing is coming on and will be back on my photography soon so I can't wait for that. Creativity is my drive and helps keep me [relatively] sane out here.

As I approach my 29th birthday, I am actually looking forward to it. I don't want to be in my early 20s again I think until you get to 25+ you don't quite get what I mean when I say that you're comfortable in your skin, you don't look for the approval of others so much (I can hear people shouting at me - wait 'til you hit 25, it's a different level) and you have put down a layer on top of those foundations you put down at 20/21 to get your life, career and self into a place you want to be in.

Regardless of if I do pass (or not) I know that I did the best I could with the circumstances I am/was in. I wasn't out every night and I have to put my family first. I will take shit on the chin and get on and still achieve what I want to.

2008: A Tribute

This year seems to have been more than usual a year where a lot of influential people who have entertained us, made us laugh or inspired us have passed away.

So before the year passes and memories fade, I want to say goodbye properly to the following people:

Heath Ledger

Jeremy Beadle

Mark Speight

Bo Diddley

Yves Saint Laurent

Paul Newman

Bernie Mac

Eartha Kitt

And also to those who I havent mentioned, and for those that may not have been in the spotlight but had an impact on our lives

Black clouds circling my head

Right now I'm feeling kinda strange and I'm not even sure where it's come from. I've been doing really well the past few months despite being put through the wringer back in June and having to deal with what can only be describes as something horrific.

I don't know if I've basically just come out of Auto-pilot and now dealing with it, the shitty weather that's now upon us which always depresses me, the pressure piling on in regards to my final year at University, moving into a new home or all of the above. 

All I know is it is becoming increasingly difficult to listen to everyone else tell me to hold my head up, it'll be okay or to even listen to people with their problems which sounds really selfish. But as the days go on, Im finding it so hard to even care. 

I've even found myself in a situation I have avoided for what I think is a year or so of me trying to stay out of for fear or complications out of my control. But no, because I've let my guard slip I'm now right where I didn't want to be and the damn vicious circle isn't letting me off.

None of this makes sense to you, maybe because I can't make sense of it myself. All I know that if this continues, I don't know if I'll be here anymore. 

Hanging around in dark tunnels CAN acutally be good

I managed to get to see the CANS festival this morning, and decided to ignore all the hype and negative press that has surrounded it and went with an open mind, eyes and my cam and I have to say that I loved it.

Yes, you could argue that it has all been done before and it wasn't original, or even childish as I've read but to me it was an escape. walk from the hustle and bustle from the commuters and tourists on York Road to near silence and you are greeted with some of the most beautiful colours and textures I have seen together in one place.

It took me over an hour to walk from the York Road end out to the Marsh, as there is so much to see and so much detail. It was nice as strangers stood and talked for ages about their experience and it was nice to share that with them.

I urge you to go and have a look if you can before Eurostar paint over it or something equally as stupid.

I took some photographs on my little digi camera and you can view them here.

Laaaaaid back ......

Sticking the iPod in my ears and playing my "Summertime" playlist, I set off.

First tune to play - Ice Cube - It Was A Good Day.  

And do ya know what? It really was! 

Went and saw my friend and spent the day with her, then made it up to South Bank to kick back for a while and watched the skateboarders and the BMX guys working up a sweat with  some pretty cool tricks and SBs on their feet although I didn't manage to catch them on film. Pissed.

I'm going to enjoy this week of Summer as at this point we're never certain in the UK when this will happen again, I mean our Summer was in April last year. All two weeks of it.

So while you can, enjoy the sun and make the most of the weather my beautiful people.

Get the track here (ignore the nekkidness) x

Sun bun up my eye oh why oh why would I wanna be anywhere else?

I've been proper lax with my posting for months now, and I apologise, uni was a little mad.

Have always had time to find myself on Facebook, catching up with friends I haven't seen in time and reading other blogs though, so clearly not as busy as I thought! :s

Pleased to say that I have been writing loads recently and with the two trips I've managed to do already in the past five months, have also taken lots of photos which I will have to start documenting and writing about on here, providing the weather we are having at the moment doesn't go to my head and I find myself sitting in the park and writing or taking photos randomly like I did yesterday.

Gonna go and check out the exhibition in Waterloo that Banksy has done and will hopefully be good.

Anyway, mi garn listening to Natty and I'm proper skinnin teet. stay blessed x

I blatantly sat here approx a yr ago on the "I'm a PC user" bandwagon when some friends of mine (D, Martin and Gary) were trying to convince me to move over to the darkside which is known as Mac land.

I convinced myself at the time that as I was a hard core PC user, I wouldn't have any need for a mac and that because I hadn't touched one since my teens that I would never get to grips with the whole "mac" thing cos I was far too cool for any of that.

Fast forward a yr and what am I typing on? Ha. That's right, my spanky new macbook, called Bernie. Geddit? Bernie Mac? 

After using a friends' mac and using the ones at uni I then went into the store in Regent Street and going through a few things, I walked out with my shiny new purchase.

Must say I'm NOT going back to PCs unless they are at work as I've had no crashes, freezing of screens, not being able to find files, the long ting that is adding software/applications or worrying about Bernie catching a disease. He is easy to use and makes life a whole lot easier.

Yes, I'm in love with Bernie.

If there's any way I can legally marry him, please let me know :)

Update: Blackberry Woes & Joy

So after going back and forth for what seems like forever, I am now in the process of selling the Blackberry.

... Don't despair JUST yet, as I've got a new one (and it works!) on another network provider, which as soon as I turned it on when it arrived last week, automatically configured to the network and after entering my email addressess, I started to receive messages and the net worked instantaneously.

Yes, I'm a fully fleged Blackberry addict. Already have downloaded applications, themes and am residing on Blackberry Messenger. I have bookmarked Blackberry sites as well as signed up for the Users' Lounge.

I even had a phone call from O2 to make sure that everything was okay and they were most helpful.

I have nothing against Vodafone as they are not who I send my monthly Direct Debit to, in fact they have been more than helpful with all teh problems I've experienced. It's Dot Mobile. As soon as the contract is up for renewal, I will be porting over my number to them properly to continue with the line and great customer service.

But back to my latest purchase, if you don't already have one (send me ur pin if you do!) you should really go and buy one, it's the must have item for your pocket.

Out with the old …. In with the new …. Saying goodbye to 2007 and welcoming in 08

I must say that I'm not a person that's usually into making changes once a year, more as and when things happen so by the time the New Year approaches, I'm already making changes or have implemented them. But this past 12 months have been dismal to say the least. But despite everything that has gone on, I have to say that I'll look back on the year 2007 as one that has shaped my thoughts and how I will approach life generally. All of this is looked on with optimism as well.

I said goodbye to two great people in my life, and have had many decisions taken out of my hands as well as parting company with people. But all of these things have I feel made me have to stand up and think about what I want to do with my life and how I would want to be remembered when I do leave this place and move onto wherever the powers that be move me onto.

It sounds harsh, but having parted company with the people that I have now since lost contact with actually been beneficial to me. The negative auras they seemed to have around them and those voices they put in my head have long since gone and I've noticed my productivity has increased somewhat.

I've set myself some personal goals and I'm pleased to say that after 4 days into the year, 1 which I didn't think would happen for at least a few months has actually been achieved. And this has been such a boost to my spirit.

One goal which was to continue to look after my health by goin to the gym has been scuppered on account of my ankle's ligaments being ruptured. The only way around it for the next few weeks is to work on my arms and abs until my ankle is strong enough to at least start walking on the treadmill and using the bike. Let's see if they allow me to go to the gym. If not I'll have to do my sit-ups at home and possibly making weights up with things around the house. Yes, I'm an addict I guess but I feel much better inside and out when I'm keeping fit.

Anywhoo I digress. I'm pleased that I've got so many people I can call on for a laugh and to encourage and inspire me daily or those that inspire me to write. My daily texts are appreciated and I in return appreciate them for who they are and what they are about. I was thinking about this the other day and I couldn't put this into words and to a certain extent, I still can't. That in itself shows me that these are the very people that I need around me and I must always strive to be the best I can in order to be there for them when they need me.

As for my goals, I'm not going to go into much detail with them but they do include making more time for me, just to sit and write, read or just go and get pampered with a massage or something like that regularly. Another is to make sure that those around me know that I love them and appreciate them at every chance I can say it. Another is to run for Breakthrough Breast Cancer in Sept, but those details are sketchy until I find out when their event is. This kinda ties in with the fitness goal. There are some personal ones that I have also and funnily enough are being achieved a lot quicker than I realised, but this is boosting me to make more.

Anyway, I'll end this by saying that if you are reading this, I can only hope that you are optimistic about the future and that everything you have in your head or written down as a goal you accomplish and more as our thinking is limited to what we know and that there is so much more out there than we can conceive with our thoughts.

My last wish for you is love, happiness and health for you and for all of those you hold dear for the next year and beyond. Think big and do big, baby!

Much love

Angel x