No one in the White House has swagga like us

Originally posted on my Facebook notes 5th November

I'm standing here waiting for the bus to work today as I don't want to be squashed up next to miserable people. I don't want the coughing and spluttering. Not because I'm tired and may just fall asleep on a warm tube carriage and miss my stop. Nor do I want the people pushing up on me. 

Do you know why? Not 'cos my swagga is large. Although that statement is monumentally factual, it's because I'm proud. I watched history in the making and I'm proud. A black man made it into the "white" house and the first time in, well most of my life the weight of being different and having to work a little bit harder has eased a little. 

Now don't get me wrong, I will continue to work to achieve what I want to and to encourage my son to do the same, but I'm going to do it now with a heart that's full and a spring in my step. 

This isn't a day just for black people though, it's a day for anyone who wants to believe in a better life for everyone and will have a new sense of purpose. Just don't use this as an excuse to expect things to come to you as they never will. 

I just wish people like Dr King could see this. Even Tupac as he didn't see it ever happening. But I'm glad my 93 year old Gran has. And my mum who was chased down the streets of London in the sixties. 

As I sit here on the 381 to Waterloo, I'm smiling. I hope you all are too! 

See u in Jan when we watch Obama move in with his Kool-Aid, Aunt Jemima panckake mix and Palmers Cocoa Butter. x

Black clouds circling my head

Right now I'm feeling kinda strange and I'm not even sure where it's come from. I've been doing really well the past few months despite being put through the wringer back in June and having to deal with what can only be describes as something horrific.

I don't know if I've basically just come out of Auto-pilot and now dealing with it, the shitty weather that's now upon us which always depresses me, the pressure piling on in regards to my final year at University, moving into a new home or all of the above. 

All I know is it is becoming increasingly difficult to listen to everyone else tell me to hold my head up, it'll be okay or to even listen to people with their problems which sounds really selfish. But as the days go on, Im finding it so hard to even care. 

I've even found myself in a situation I have avoided for what I think is a year or so of me trying to stay out of for fear or complications out of my control. But no, because I've let my guard slip I'm now right where I didn't want to be and the damn vicious circle isn't letting me off.

None of this makes sense to you, maybe because I can't make sense of it myself. All I know that if this continues, I don't know if I'll be here anymore.