You want to sit down? Here, sit on my lap shawty ...

Picture the scene: Thursday afternoon, on a train at a platform in London Bridge. I'm waiting for it to move as I have an appointment in Dulwich (hi Caron) .  I take a seat in an empty carriage and open the paper bag which houses my beef patty and cocoa bread. 

The smell fills my nostril and I take the first bite. I close my eyes and take in the flavour bursting in my mouth, then ....... BAM!

I feel the chair move and I open my eyes to see a man sit his ass down RIGHT next to me. 

Did I mention the carriage was EMPTY?!!!! I took another bite of my food and then I had to stop mid chew. The carriage is empty. What the hell is going on here? I looked at him as I was wondering if he was challenged mentally, and there seemed to be no signs of that.

I continued to eat my food as I was starving, but I felt uneasy and was still reeling from the weirdness of it all. 

Had to put it down to some lack of a sense of personal space, cos why would you see an empty carriage bar one person then sit RIGHT next to that person? Please, if you can explain this, do so...

By this time the train had moved off, and the carriage was a little more populated with people. I finished my food, while BBMing Hutch (who was too busy laughing making jokes about him wanting beef .... a beef patty to even be of any help) then he got up .......... and went and sat in an EMPTY seat.

Hmm. 

A funny thing happened on the way to Croydon today ...

I'm walking down my road in sunny East Croydon, stunnas on, hair and nails freshly did from my luxury relaxation day yesterday (my birthday) breathing in some fresh air as I spent a few hours looking at Bernie (my macbook) while working on my dissertation. 

Passed one of my neighbours, said hello politely smilled then looked to my right ..... Now I'm not usually a look-through-windows kinda girl, but I had to take a look again. 

The homeowner has a widescreen television in full view as their curtains were wide open, I'm assuming to let the light in. I squinted and my first thoughts were confirmed ..... they were watching a porn film. Not only was it a porn film, in full view on a suburban road in South London, it looked like it was one starring a wrinkly older woman with a very scarily large Black man. Yikes! 

The funny thing is, my neighbour who I smiled at a few seconds (felt like hours) before realised I was standing with an open mouth in shock then went to ask me what I was looking at, followed my line of sight, and then gasped in shock. We both stood there for a few seconds speechless.

I looked at him, and he at me - we exchanged a nod and walked off in different directions. Can't wait to see my neighbour again ......... er, maybe not! :s

..... And so the end is near, and I face my final curtain .......

So, the last few weeks in my degree and I really am looking forward to the finish although I really do not think I am passing, and if I do - the classification isn't going to be a decent one.

Have had the most stress to deal with at home which has basically impacted on any work I have done. I am one for staying positive, but I am also one for keeping it real as it were. That being said, I now want to grab whatever they give me and run the hell out of that flipping building.

What's in store for me when I do leave? Well, job hunting as we speak for a Mon to Fri as I cannot do weekends anymore where I am, I have neglected lil man for ages, and am spending most of my weekend dropping him off so I can work and then not seeing much of him during the week as I'm either at uni or work, picking him and only having two hours before bed.

It's difficult to really explain, but by me trying to improve our life, it has in a way made our life worse, and I only want this to be a temporary measure rather than a permanent one.

The personal life has been somewhat of a joke of late also. I'm guessing my choice of people is the main reason. Those charismatic men always seem to come with some sort of baggage, or aren't good with the commitment thing; bullshit like "I'm not ready" when they need to come correct with "I wanna f*ck every girl I can without getting caught, do you want in? Oh, but don't tell anyone." I'm guessing these aren't the right people I need to be around. Karma is a bitch though, I just hope I get to see when she does knock on their door.

Many changes and transitions in 2009, with many more to come, but as always I will get what I need to achieved, even if it means a change in direction. My writing is coming on and will be back on my photography soon so I can't wait for that. Creativity is my drive and helps keep me [relatively] sane out here.

As I approach my 29th birthday, I am actually looking forward to it. I don't want to be in my early 20s again I think until you get to 25+ you don't quite get what I mean when I say that you're comfortable in your skin, you don't look for the approval of others so much (I can hear people shouting at me - wait 'til you hit 25, it's a different level) and you have put down a layer on top of those foundations you put down at 20/21 to get your life, career and self into a place you want to be in.

Regardless of if I do pass (or not) I know that I did the best I could with the circumstances I am/was in. I wasn't out every night and I have to put my family first. I will take shit on the chin and get on and still achieve what I want to.