The correlation between being the best you can be and Hill Harper

So, I’m reading Hill Harper’s book: “Letters to a Young Brother.” Initially I bought it as I am a fan of Mr Harper and to be honest fancy the pants off the man and embarrassingly didn’t think the book would be as deep as I’ve now come to realise.

A lot of “Hollywood” types write books and I cannot remember many having any substance. I should really apologise for that assumption, because it not only was unfounded, but making assumptions of people is something we shouldn’t do as being on the receiving end of this isn’t usually a nice experience. So I’m sorry Mr Harper, although if you are ever in the UK, I’d love to say that in person.

But back to the book, the following letter written by Curtis Martin had me think for a good while.

Dear Young Brotha,
Be balanced: secure enough to be vulnerable, strong enough to be gentle, wise enough to be humble, and powerful enough to serve others. Only fear God. Have a quiet confidence, faith and belief that you can conquer whatever life may bring. Put God first, family second and yourself third. Respect others, but remain true to yourself. And at the end of the day, know how to have fun and enjoy life!
Sincerely,
Curtis Martin.

Everything Curtis wrote in this letter made a great deal of sense and there is an awful lot in the book that has solidified my thoughts on many things. Raising lil’ man has put an awful lot of fear on my shoulders; wondering if I’m doing the right thing, questioning everything I do – is it the right thing to do etc. Just reading Hill’s thoughts on subjects such as single parenthood, having respect for yourself and of those around you, education etc and how those around him in influential places also cares about today’s generation is inspiring and also enables me to realise my potential, both as a mother and a person.

Although this book is directed at the young Black man growing up with or without parental guidance and have insecurities/fears, I urge anyone that wants to explore aspects of self improvement to read this book. I don’t read self help books, and maybe I should, but I can tell you it’s worth reading. I am willing to lend you the book if you wish although I did get my copy for under £5 on Amazon.

But back to this particular excerpt, as cheesy as it sounds it’s something I have in a way taken on as a mantra (I’m not a fan of the word, but it describes my using it in my life to remind me of where I want my life to go and who I want to be.) This may not be yours, but it could be a point at which you could start thinking about where you want to be and how you’d want to be remembered by those around you. This is the age where we should have gotten over the awkward age of our teens and at that stage of finding ourselves and who we are, and what we want. But this isn’t always the case, and it’s a fact of life. Just be prepared to do something about it before you wake up one day and not know how to you go to where you are – where you aren’t happy in your life and even worse in your own skin. I’m still in that “under construction” thing myself and it’s great to know that I’m better than I was a few months ago, and have improved miles than the stage I was at even two years ago. I still make mistakes and have made poor judgments as well as even recently having issues with someone I thought I could make mistakes with and grow with, but I’m human am willing to accept my faults and improve on them.

Anyway I have to run, I’ve got to finish dinner. I’ll be happy to talk about the book or about anything in regards to any of the matters raised in this blog. It’s nice to hear other points of view so I don’t become close minded about things.

What’s your role?

I was having one of my “I’m not staying on the phone long, Mess” and still finding we are on the phone for an hour conversations last night and Messiah brought up the subject of reasons why people are in your life, and we spoke about the roles your friends have in your life and since coming off the phone to him I came up with a small list some included;

The Advice Giver, The Sponge (taking and taking) The Builder (building up their friends – sometimes to their own detriment) The Belittler – that one was light hearted, but I can safely say I know a few of those I’ve had to cut out my life, The Drama Queen/Only Childer (not always an only child, but they display symptoms of being spoilt and throwing the toys out the pram when things don’t go their way) The Glass Half Empty and The Ray of Sunshine. The last one being my favourite as I can look at quite a few of you and think of you as being this role. Miss Hamilton at the top of that list J

Although I don’t like to put people in boxes as it drives me mad when people do this to me, you do have to wonder and question some friendships you do have. I’ve had to do this most of my life, so it’s no surprise that I’ve recently had to just let go of people. I’m not heartless or anything like that, but with all that’s going on I cannot dedicate every waking moment to people as I’ve not even much time to do me right now. But sometimes just don’t seem to understand this.

All I know, is good or bad I learn from each one, and chalk things down to experience hopefully making me understand why people do what they do when they do it.

Anyway, the list is far from complete and I’d welcome any suggestions/ changes. I’ve put the list below for ease of reading.

What’s your role in life?

• The Advice Giver
• The Sponge
  
• The BuilderThe Drama Queen/Only Childer
• The Glass Half Empty
• The Ray of Sunshine

Converse, Kriss Kross and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Okay, the blog thing has taken me by the throat and won’t let me go. I’m officially a blogger. *shudders*

Nothing I can do now, so let’s get on with what I came on to write. A few things have jogged my thinking a conversation about the smile you did as a kid when told to for photos and the clothes worn in school/family photos.

I was lucky to go to a school where we wore our own clothes, when I say lucky, I guess I mean lucky for the clothing manufacturers that used us as human guinea pigs to carry out controlled experiments with questionable colourways and fabrics. Thankfully Mum wasn’t a sentimental parent and there isn’t a great deal of photos lying about. But thinking about my favourite clothes as a child, especially the ones I really loved its funny. I mean there were certain items I had that got washed a few times a week so I could wear them as often as possible. I remember a t shirt for example that I made – I cut it into a belly top (who remembers those) and I painted on the front red and blue and wore them with some shorts I liked and knee high socks (yikes!)

Then there’s a denim shirt with embroidery on the front with pearl poppers instead of buttons. Oh, and let’s not forget a tartan skirt I wore relentlessly. My list is endless.

As bad as the fashion was, I loved picking out my clothes every morning and knowing that it was my personal stamp on the World. To an extent, we all have that as adults, but it’s stifled with the thought of not fitting in with the right circles etc. and it sucks. Go out this weekend with something you don’t wear as much as you don’t feel comfortable and hold your head as high as you did when you were eight years old and walking to school to tell your friends that you picked out that outfit that morning all by yourself.

To address the photo smiling we did as kids, I love the real huge smiles kids do; especially the real ones. They remind me of the lack or responsibility we all had as well as how huge my teeth were and how it’s only now at twenty *mumbles* that I have finally grown into the huge tombstones that are in my mouth. I say at least one photo you have on Facebook should be of you now at the age you are with that smile. Just for a bit of fun.

I’ll be setting up a little group soon along the lines of the innocence of youth, which will be purely pictures of the members as kids, I invite each and every one of you and the only requirement I have is that you post a pic of you as a kid; particularly a staged school/family portrait photo.

Much love x

If music be the food of love...

... I want to be in love forever!

It’s amazing how music can have such an impact on a person’s life. I mean, I’ve always loved music of all types from as long as I can remember and my CD collection reflects this.

I remember being looked on as being really weird at secondary school and college as Green Day, Skunk Anansie, Prodigy, Republica, No Doubt were amongst my Usher, Donnell Jones, Montell Jordan, Jodeci etc. I have never conformed I guess to the stereotype of a young black female from South London and for all the grief I got I’m quite proud.

The reason I started writing this blog was really because the past few weeks have not been the happiest for me for many reasons, and while at work yesterday listening to music as I stared at my computer screen for 6 hours Kanye West’s “We Major” came on and for those three minutes I felt so relaxed for the first time in ages. So I played it on repeat for most of the day.

It is a tad obsessive when I realise how long it was on, but that’s the nature of music. From hunting down export CDs for certain mixes in my teens or buying around £100 a week in albums, to present day where I’m torrenting like my life depends on it finding Talib’s album as I’ve been waiting ages for it, my life is centered around music. While you guys are out there having lives.

Classical music or Leela James to relax me, to jungle/drum and bass for hyping me up before a night out with my friends, music shapes my life. And for all it’s faults and it’s 50 Cents of this world, I wouldn’t change it one bit!

Melancholy

Melancholy is one of those words that sound like its’ meaning. One of those words that have been buzzing around my head for as long as I’ve been feeling that way.

In fact I can’t remember a day that has gone by where I haven’t felt like that. The usual words of “snap out of it” or “pull yourself together” bandied around like I intentionally want to be this way. If I could be “normal” or turn off whatever is controlling my emotions I would have done so a long time ago, don’t you think?

Yes, I’m crazy. Not the scientific definition by a long shot, but then again; I’m not a scientist. That’s the first time I’ve typed that. I managed to tell a couple of my peeps and that in itself was tough as you are not sure if they’ll react funny, or if you’ll need to comfort them as you tell them, and that is not the time you feel like being there for someone else, as selfish as that sounds. Generally I’m not selfish, in fact I do try my hardest to be there any time a friend needs me to be and sometimes when they don’t. But for once I need to not do that and concentrate on making myself happy. Not that it’s working. But I guess the only thing you can do as they say is to try.

This is so full of clichés, but I guess a cliché is something that is true. And everything I’ve said thus far is the truth. Not much I can do then really, is there? But back onto the crazy thing. I am crazy. Not in the sense of what my friends call me all the time as I’m a bit of a clown. More not wanting to get out of bed, wondering why I’m here on this Earth, not feeling as if I deserve to be here type of crazy. Melancholy. I’ve always loved that word, even before I became crazy, just as it’s one of those words where you know exactly where you stand. No bull shit. Like the word shank which up until a matter of weeks ago, I didn’t even know what it meant. It’s not a nice word, don’t get it twisted, it sounds like it is. Not very nice. I mean before I knew what it meant, I most certainly would not have stuck around had someone came at me saying it.

To a certain extent I still have not fully gotten my head around the whole thing. (yes, I can see the irony in that sentence, I’m depressed; not stupid.) And haven’t even really told anyone, not sure if that’s because of the stigma attached or if it’s the fact I don’t want all the sympathy. I had that before and to be honest it can be more overwhelming than whatever you are going through at that time. Those that do know have been great at knowing when to shake me out of it and when I need to be by myself and that’s not a dig at those that don’t know as I’m sure some of you would also be just as spot on judging my mood etc. I can’t please everyone all the time. Not even sure why I’m writing this at the moment nor sure if it will ever be seen by anyone when I get the urge to write I have to go with the flow as they say or for some reason it bounces around in my head until I do; a bit like that guy in Heroes who paints (minus the heroin thankfully.) My writing has been somewhat a blessing and a curse, but I would not change it as it does help me map out my thoughts and feelings and I can also tell people things I usually couldn’t say out loud. Even if it hasn’t had the desired effect on the person you write to, as has happened to me so many times I’ve given up counting, at least they know what I think so there’s no argument of me not opening up or whatever. For instance, only a matter of days ago I wrote something and gave it someone. They thanked me for the kind words and that was it. I was a little annoyed to say the least as I was expecting a response, but I then had to remember that they are like me in the sense that they won’t outright engage in a conversation of that nature. So I’m currently in the dark. Not a great deal I can do about that. Pissed.

If you are reading this and you have trouble talking, then maybe you should try writing whenever you need to get something out – maybe it could help you too. I hit a really low point and let it consume me for a long time before I got help, all I’ll say to you is if you feel that way not to let it go on for too long, the chance is you have some really good people around you like I have. Don’t be afraid to say something as you don’t have to feel like there’s no hope for you, because there is. Anyway, been gabbing on making not a great of sense for far too long again, so I’m going to quit now. I love y’all very much.